Business Definitions
The powers-that-be say something and you know what you have heard, but that
may not be quite what they mean. So, to help you understand the meaning that
really hides behind the boss's words, here is a list of definitions to help
you sort out what's really going on.
Ambitious (me) - brilliant, efficient and deserving promotion.
Ambitious (you) - ruthless, toadying and not to be trusted.
Negotiate - I put my point of view.
Argue - you put your point of view.
Analytical projection - guess.
Forecast - wild guess.
Long-range forecast - well, we had to put something on paper.
Delegate - pass the buck.
Delegate upwards - pass the buck back to the boss.
Filed - lost.
Pending - what on earth did we do with this!
Scheduled - hoped for.
Planned - it might happen sometime.
Delayed - forgotten.
Under way - we hope to start next week.
Approaching completion - still in bits.
Not urgent - within 2 hours will be OK.
Urgent - I want it now!
Very urgent - I wanted it yesterday!
New product - last year's model mucked about a bit.
Radically new concept - last year's model mucked about a lot.
Ingeniously engineered - incredibly difficult to install and service.
Thoroughly tested - the boss played with it in the office.
Exhaustively tested - the boss took it home and let the kids play with it.
Tested to destruction - the boss's family broke it within 5 minutes.
Adverse consumer reaction - the boss's wife did not like it.
Industrial by-product - our waste.
Environmental pollution - other people's waste.
Profit before tax - profit.
Profit before tax - loss.
Deficit - staggering loss.
Fringe benefit - theft by the boss.
Pilfering - theft by the employee.
Bottom line - money.
Rationalization - cutbacks.
Downsizing - your departments being cut in half.
You have a key role in our plans - watch your back, the plans are for
downsizing.
Company restructure - two people will be doing the work of three.
Major company restructure - two people will be doing the work of five.
We do not anticipate any redundancies - you're probably safe for the next
three weeks.
Terminal handshake (the boss) - a fat golden handshake.
Terminal payment (employees) - a months pay in lieu of notice.
Career minded move - demotion.
Open discussion - argument.
Frank and open discussion - flaming row.
Familiar with the job - hasn't got a clue.
Experienced - went on a three day course.
Recommended - smart Alec.
Shrewd - devious.
Strategy - low cunning.
Deficiency analysis - pointing the finger at someone else.
I hear what you are saying - nothing you have said will make any difference.
Point taken - OK, we might have slipped up.
Conclusive evidence - I told you so!